Blade

Blade

“I’ve told you before, it will be less painful if done slowly.” He said as he walked closer.
I could remember vividly how she convinced my mom of how important it is for a lady to go through it to avoid future complications. And like my naive mom, she gave in after assurance of it being smooth and less painful. I was there, I heard everything but with less understanding cause I was just a 9yrs old who came to the village to spend Christmas.
My mom smiled bitterly at me which made me feel that what the aunty told her must have hurt. I smiled brightly at her just to comfort her. I guess I shouldn’t have smiled that way. If I had known that would be the last, I would’ve saved it for another day.
She opened a new razor blade and my heart skipped a beat. I had always hated having my nails cut with razors, so I always tend to avoid razors. But now, I wished she had wanted my nails instead.
Noticing the fear on my face, she told the older ladies who were also in the room to grab me, which they did, and spread my legs strongly apart. I screamed but my mom only stood at the door crying.
“You don’t like it when I touch down there, and you don’t want me down there either. How else do you want us to give birth to kids, huh?” He asked feeling frustrated. I closed my eyes as the tears drip slowly.
Remembering how the aunty took off my pants and used the razor blade to cut me down there hurts. She didn’t mind the fact that I was screaming, she only muttered a few words about how important it is for a lady to go through this to be able to give birth. I was young and didn’t understand anything until now.
“What exactly is wrong with you?” He had asked with a concerned look.
Yes. I got married. But the 9yrs old girl couldn’t grow up. I always avoided anything that concerns sex and was unable to be in a relationship until I met my husband who endured everything till now.
As much as I don’t want my past to overthrow my future, the fear and trauma those ladies put me throw have refused to leave me.