They couldn’t stand the smell and I could not stand it either. They started talking about me from a distance, others pointed fingers while I passed by on my way to and from school. The journey to the toilet was the scariest of them all, the pain was nerve-racking.
Last week while we were on a short break, my mother accompanied me to the local medicine woman, they said that they were examining my body before I get married so that they can be sure I am ready. In the process, she tampered with my genitals, while I was lying on the table trying to understand what was happening a sharp pain rushed through my body, and before I could even figure out what was happening, I passed out.
The pain that woke me up was excruciating, I couldn’t even feel my legs, I tried to touch my genitals but it was all bloody, this was not my usual menses and my genitals have never felt the same since the ordeal. I tried to go to the toilet but the urine burns me like hot coal.
I tried talking to my mother yesterday but she told me to face it like a woman, she continued saying that all women in my culture have gone through the same and I should stop being dramatic yet I will soon be having a family of my own. Now I understand why my father was trying to introduce me to my classmate’s uncle, as he has been visiting us more often.
I want to pursue education and I cannot imagine the thought of being married off. I have no one to talk to, I do not understand what is happening to my genitals, the odour, the pain, the blood and the pus keep blocking my genitals and going to the toilet feels like horror.
I can’t go to school like this anymore, the others don’t want me there. I will be waiting for everyone to go asleep today so that I can take my books and leave, I heard the ladies at the market talk about a rescue centre in a far village on the other side of the mountain where girls who supposedly fear marriage have been running off to. I just have to make sure I don’t get caught trying to run away. The future feels uncertain.